The World Is Mine As Long As It Survives The Nuclear War

The day will come. President Donald J. Trump will stroke the hornet’s nest one too many times. “Rocket Man” lives up to his nickname and the Korean peninsula light ups the night sky like a sadistic take on the Fourth of July.

“Fire and Fury, the likes of which the world has never seen before,” Trump said during a press conference discussing how North Korea’s threats against the United States would be met if they continue. It seems Trump will pull through with at least one of his promises. Mankind is at it’s end.

But in Earth’s darkest hour, there is a bright spot. I’m not talking about the ballistic missiles in the far east that will engulf the world in a nuclear winter. I’m talking about the fact that my schedule will finally be clear.

Now it sounds like I’m pro-nuclear war, but that’s not the case. I’m simply looking at the positives of the situation. With the tension being created  by Trump and Kim Jong-Un, that has not been seen since the Cold War, there are definitely some silver linings to doomsday. The morning after the first wave of missile strikes, I won’t have to wake up at 5 a.m. to arrive at school by 8 a.m. Driving in Miami’s traffic is definitely worse than the forthcoming end of the world.

I could finally sleep in on Mondays, not pay for anything or grow a third limb—Who knows? The world is mine (for as long as it lasts of course). The radioactivity that will kill me is a wonderful trade off for some rest from my hectic day to day routine.

Even if The United States somehow avoided a direct nuclear onslaught, in due time there will be an unavoidable mushroom cloud covering the sun. What wonderful shade will hover over Miami! I could finally wear layers in Miami’s “fall” and not feel like I’m melting into the asphalt. Also picture this: snow in Miami. The snow will most likely be nuclear ash, but we can still make snowmen and snow angels out of it.

We will no longer have to wake up everyday wondering what Trump will do next to deteriorate the nation. It would already have been done for him, by him. No more scandals, no more idiocracy and no more embarrassment. What more could you ask for? Just think of the stress reliever that would be.

I may sound crazy, but one could make the argument that our current reality is just as insane. We currently live in the new Cold War. With impending doom knocking at our door, the world needs cooler heads to prevail, but what we have are budding egos flexing their muscles as the world watches in horror.