Three years have passed and now we have another Ed Sheeran album.
As I listened to the radio one morning, my ears had apparently been through enough rest when an annoying tune managed to sneak its way into the farthest reaches of my brain. The painful and bouncy strings of the ukulele-sounding nightmare sang of curves and mentioned Van Morrison (an actual artist worth mentioning) to the point where I had to change the station.
The next top 40 station was also too busy trying to make my daily commute miserable with the same song. “Shape of You” was destined to be a hit, like any other song by the English sensation.
If there’s one thing that’s clear, I am not the biggest fan of Ed Sheeran. It might not be fair for me to review his latest album, but as I’ve learned before with artists like Justin Bieber or Katy Perry, I can be very surprised with any pop song or artist.
Divide is the latest in Sheeran’s six year long math lesson. With my previous dissatisfactions, I was expecting to hate this album as well. So after streaming his latest work, I am not surprised to announce that this album is awful.
Just plain awful.
Maybe it was not that surprising to learn, but the experience was still exhausting.
I guess it starts with Sheeran’s style. The album can essentially be split into two parts, like every other album by this beloved English “charmer.”
There are the upbeat, dancehall-esque songs. The ones where he tries to woo some girl into sleeping with him.
Here, Sheeran destroys all the inherent coolness of rap by trying to actually rap. It’s as cringeworthy as it sounds, though it isn’t as bad as the ballads in the latter half of the album.
Yes, those bombastic and over sentimental songs give the listeners the impression that old Eddie is a nice guy despite only ever appreciating a girl for her body.
Lyrics like “Grab on my waist and put that body on me,” or “I’m in love with the shape of you / We push and pull like a magnet do” only prove my point.
Divide is a bland album. One that transcends even the worst I’ve heard this year so far.
If all nice guys were anything like Ed Sheeran, women should be worried.