Ask Andrea
Not So Casual
Dear Andrea,
I had casual sex for the first time recently. I always knew I didn’t believe in it. My parents always taught against it, especially me, their only daughter. But I wanted to challenge my beliefs. It was my first and my last time. It felt gross to be so unattached during such a personal act. Now I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I’m feeling so low, like I’ve disappointed myself and I can only turn to my best friend, who had the same experience. I need a new perspective.
-Not So Casual
Dear Not So Casual,
Feel low for a while and get it out of your system but steer clear of feeling regret; take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and your gut instincts which are, more often than not, correct. It’s completely normal to challenge the ideals taught to you, but be prudent in choosing the ones you act against. The case quite often is that you don’t have to get in the water to know you’ll get wet.
-Andrea
Adoptive Identity
Dear Andrea,
I met my biological mother for the first time four years ago. Two summers ago, I spent the fourth of July weekend with her in New York and she introduced me to a few of her close friends.
She didn’t introduce me as her daughter or her relative or anything, just as Anna.
She later excused herself and explained to me that not many people—in fact, none of her New York friends—know that she had a daughter because she was so young when it happened and it’s such a touchy subject for her.
The thing is: I’m very open with the people I’m close to and have written short stories and other pieces that have to do with my biological mother’s pregnancy and my adoption, so it’s not a strange story to hear, for anyone who knows me.
Dilemma: If I were to introduce her to anyone in the future, should I introduce her as my biological mother, or just by her name?
-Annakrizia R.
Dear Annakrizia R.,
As cheesy as it’s going to sound, you have to do what’s most comfortable for you; after all, that’s what your mother did. I think you’ll find that as open a person as you are, it’s going to be uncomfortable omitting the fact that she’s your biological mother to others.
-Andrea